OMG Horror.com

Don't believe the favorable reviews publications like Variety, Rolling Stone, and Premiere have given the fifth installment in the Dead film series. Diary of the Dead is not just the worst movie in George A. Romero' venerable zombie franchise (yes, it's worse than Land of the Dead... actually it's five trillion times worse than LotD), it's so unbelievably wretched that I walked away from the theater wanting to cry.

Diarrhea of the Dead
The film begins with a group of student filmmakers shooting an amateur horror movie in which a mummy chases a girl through the woods at night (sadly, a movie more likely to be enjoyable than Diary of the Dead itself). The students capture the terrifying footage they set out to, only it's not the campy movie they planned on filming, but swarms of the undead that are taking bites out of every living human in sight. The group must stick together, fight off the rotting hordes, and use MySpace to their advantage in order to survive. Sound like a generic zombie movie plot for the most part? It is!

The most distinguishing aspect about Diary of the Dead is the documentary-style manner in which it is filmed a la Cloverfield or The Blair Witch Project. But unlike the aforementioned films, Diary fails miserably in its attempt to make this zombie tale feel like a home movie. Laughably artificial looking effects and film techniques (that I'd normally scoff at even if I saw them on a TV show on Nickelodeon) don't add any realism to whats happening on the screen--in fact, they actually make the movie look less scary than it already is. Diary of the Dead looks as crusty as a straight to video horror flick.

Wake Me Up When It's Over
Although to frighten the viewer is not what the Dead movies intend to do. Typically, Romero's zombie movies are about over-the-top gore, a political message of some sort, a sprinkle of comedy, and more gore. Yet Diary of the Dead somehow manages to rip us off in the blood and guts department too. There're literally only a couple of memorably bloody scenes in the entire film, but even they are nothing to write home about. In short, if you're a fan of the gruesome visuals of any Dead film from Night of the Living Dead to Land of the Dead, you'll most likely be disappointed with Romero's latest. The two decent bloody highlights are when acid dissolves a zombie's face and another scene when an Amish dude sticks a scythe through his own head in order to kill the zombie behind him.

If you think that I am just taking this opportunity to exaggerate the poorness of Diary of the Dead, I assure you that I am sincere when I say that you should skip this abysmally horrid movie at all costs. If you're a huge zombie fan and have tremendous respect for Romero's earlier work like I am, all the more reason to save yourself the agony of sitting through this bucket of excrement.

Terror Rating: 2 out of 5
Originality: 2 out of 5
Level of Gore: 3 out of 5
Overall Rating: 0.5 out of 5

Reccomendations: Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Cloverfield, The Blair Witch Project

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